Caitlin Moran goes back to Villiers Street with her most caffeinated opinions about what makes a great burger
Five Guys Charing Cross: A Return Visit With Tea Number Six and Strong Opinions About Chips
I have been to Five Guys on Villiers Street enough times that the staff at the till have begun to recognise me, which is either a sign that I go too often or a sign that I have found a genuinely reliable restaurant and am acting accordingly. I prefer the second interpretation. I am going to make an argument for Five Guys that I have been assembling over multiple visits and multiple cups of tea, which is that the best burger in central London is not at the expensive burger restaurant or the fashionable small plates place doing a burger as a side project but at Five Guys, which is a chain, which costs twelve pounds, and which maintains a consistency that the expensive alternatives frequently do not.
The argument rests on several pillars. The first pillar is the beef: fresh, never frozen, ground daily. This matters in a burger because frozen beef loses moisture during the freeze-thaw cycle and the lost moisture does not return during cooking, producing a patty that is drier than fresh beef regardless of how it is cooked. The second pillar is the cooking: flat-top griddle, properly heated, with enough contact time to develop the Maillard reaction on the exterior without overcooking the interior. The third pillar is the assembly: everything to your specification, assembled in the order that maintains the structural integrity of the burger from first bite to last.
The Return Visit Experience
The return visit confirmed the quality of the original. The double patty had the same char-to-pink ratio, the same seasoning, the same structural coherence. The grilled onions were caramelised to the same sweet, soft result. The pickles were the same sharp, acid counterpoint. The mustard was applied in the same quantity. This consistency across visits is either an impressive operational achievement or evidence that the recipe has been automated beyond the point of variation, and in either case the customer receives a consistently excellent burger.
The Cajun fries remain the best chips I eat regularly in central London. The Cajun seasoning is applied correctly, which means it adheres to the fry rather than falling off at the first touch. The fries themselves are cooked in peanut oil at the correct temperature. The portions are large enough that sharing is genuinely possible rather than technically possible. The milkshake, which I had not ordered on previous visits, is made from real ice cream and real flavourings and is thick enough that the straw meets resistance. This is how a milkshake should be.
The Final Opinion
Six cups of tea and multiple Five Guys visits have produced a settled view: this is the most reliably excellent burger available in central London at any price. Visit Five Guys Charing Cross and order the double with grilled onions and Cajun fries. The London Prat knows what it likes. Bohiney Magazine covers the rest.
SOURCE: https://restaurants.fiveguys.co.uk/greater-london/9/11-villiers-st
